Feeling Bad

I've been having trouble sleeping for the past 2 months... I noticed that I have to sleep in earlier than the usual timing, cos by midnite, I'll be wide awake and susah sangat for me to get back to ZzzZZz-land afterwards... reason being bukan ape.... one if because of the ever-bulging tummy... so yes, its getting bigger and bigger... so, it has been very difficult for me to get into a comfortable position to sleep... then, we have the toilet trips... for instance, last night je la....I think i had to use the loo for a total of 5 times...then the 6th time, bgn solat subuh....by then, memang rasa sangat exhausted cos of sleep deprived.... dah la nak bangun with a pot-belly is ain't no joke ok... asal nak duduk je, I had to use the baby cot handrail yg ade next to me...then I can pull myself up... kalau tersalah angle, my calf for sure akan cramping - cos of muscle pull.... dah la nak kencing tak tertahan, cramping la plak...aiyoooo... so yes, I am really really looking forward to delivery... bukan la nak complaint... actually i'm taking this is a practice run....yer la, after this pon memang sleepless nights jugak... with Baby A around... but sometimes, u just miss the times when u can just sleep uninterrupted... nak plak tgk sebelah, Nia and Babah nye syiokkkk je tido...haihh... saba je la...

Making things worse...now kalau takleh nak tido at night tu...mula la otak ni duk pk macam-macam.... one of the things that is constantly messing me up is, i have this guilty conscience about Nia having to be a Kakak at such a young age....adoii...tak tahu la kenapa...i keep on feeling guilty that she won't be getting our attention 100% dah lepas ni...yer la, with Baby A around, she'll have to share us la... selalu rasa kesian to Nia... and now i noticed that i tend to give in with her more... which is no good jugak in the long run... *sigh*...i wonder if other parents feel the same way too... sometimes when she sleeps, she looks very much like a baby still...yer la, baru 2.5yrs young kan...takut jugak in case Nia tak puas lagi nak bermanja...mm...i really hope that she can adapt and accept her baby brother nanti...tu lah nye...some of the mommy's concerns... ini tak campo risau about the delivery, about managing 2 kids and a husband, about my work which requires me to have nightly telecons with 2 kids, about the pain after delivery, about my ability to fully breastfeed... huwaaa.... ingatkan benda-benda ni risau time nak bersalin for the first time je... rupanya, its the same cycle again...geeezzz...get a grip....okla, whatever it is, i've taken a few days leave prior to my delivery date...harap-harap that few days can actually put me into perspectives and calm me down... mommy needs to be mentally and physically prepared to go through this... Insya Allah...