Pejam celik-pejam celik, dalam sedar tak sedar, today dah genap 2 years, arwah Abah passed away. Rasa macam baru jer jadi semalam, Mama kejutkan kitorg sume from sleep, time Abah tengah nazak in their room. I remember jumping out of the bed and running to their room. Then nampak Abah dah terbaring kat atas lantai in the room atas pangku Abg Iz on his left and Mama on his right. And it was me and Fahmi kat hujung kaki dia.
I can still hear Mama and Abang Iz duk berbisik kat telinga Abah untuk mengucap. They were whispering to him to say "La Ilahaillallah". And I can still hear Abah telling us, how painful it was. Then I remember him holding Mama's hand and told her to get a wet towel and dab on his forehead. All the while, badan Abah dah start to get cramps and his legs are all too cold under my touch. Within that 45 minutes, I remember mulut Abah tak stop, duk berzikir "Allah....Allah......Allah....". And the last I remember was him, looking all around us - tenung muka kitorg one by one, at first at Abang Iz....and Fahmi and Me....and last but not least, he looked at Mama and stared at her all the while, sambil berzikir and tears on his face.
Finally, I remember Abah tengok ke atas kepala dia and sambil kitorg berzikir around him, we can actually feel him leaving his body. I can still hear, the last choke of breath that came out of him mouth. And how my mom looked and the first thing that she calmly said after that - "Iz, Mama rasa Abah dah tinggalkan kita sekeluarga, please help me to call everyone."
I never talked about this to anyone as I felt that it was too private to be shared. But I was actually quite glad that Abah passed away pretty easily in comparison to some other people and he was amongst all of us who loved him dearly. I was glad that we were around to teach him the Zikrullah. And I was very glad that Mama was right next to him when he passed his last breath - as they had been together for more than 39 years.
To Abah, if he is still around, I am pretty sure he would be really proud to see how his children have turned out. To know that he now has 10 wonderful grandchildren who still remembers him and somehow favours Aki as compared to Wan since Aki allowed them to climb up the pokok behind the house and Wan is "Boring" and is still being refered to as the "Hulk of the House" even till today. Hehe. I still misses him very much and I don't think that will change much. I miss confiding my problems with him and to discuss the alternatives that I might have. I miss the sight of his back reading in his library at home. I miss the smell of his oh-so-strong minyak attar every day before he goes out to the surau for prayers. I miss the sound of his voice, reciting the Quran whilst waiting for Fawwaz sleeping downstairs.
Al-Fatihah untuk Arwah Abah - because without you, none of us will be who we are today. And I hope that all of our prayers reaches you and lights up the place wherever you might be right now. Love you Bah!
